From The Nude Café Bookshop.

From A Nude Perspective

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I've just found the secret of eternal youth. It was in a bookshop in Chicago, Illinois and cost twelve dollars.

It was contained in a book called "Ancient Secret Of The Fountain Of Youth", which apparently was a number one international best-seller. I'd never heard of it before, but as I felt the need of some help in that direction I shelled out the money and hurried back to my hotel.

This marvellous book promises that "… you will be introduced to ideas, techniques, and wisdom that can empower you, enhance your health, increase your joy of living, and cause you to live longer." However, it then went on to say that I wouldn't notice that I'm living longer because "… you'll be too busy enjoying life and living it fully". This made the old head swim a bit, but I think I catch the drift.

The main part of the teaching concerned a series of five exercises mysteriously called "The Five Rites". (actually there are six, but Rite 6 demands celibacy, so I skipped that one). These were brought back from Tibet by a man called Colonel Bradford in the early years of the 20th century. He learnt the technique from some ancient masters in a secret monastery in the mountains. It would be nice to know whether he is still alive and looking young, but sadly the book doesn't say.

These masters never grow old, and must be really clever, because as well as having discovered the secret of eternal youth, they practise something called TUMO . This is a special breathing technique which allows them to sit naked on snowy peaks without feeling the cold.  As this is something that would come in very handy on a September afternoon on Studland nudist beach in England, I've resolved to learn it after I've mastered the Five Rites.

Naturally I am bound by Vows Of Secrecy never to divulge these techniques to the uninitiated, but I can tell you that these exercises involve encouraging my CHAKRAS to spin faster. Apparently we have seven CHAKRAS or energy centres in our bodies which spin like whirlpools and make us what we are. As we get older these spinning vortices slow down, which in turn leads to the effects of ageing. Encouraging them to keep spinning is the key to youth.

I'm very excited about all this and I'm going to spend the winter practicing hard so that I'll be ready to reveal my brand new youthful figure at my local nudist club next summer. That's a picture of me on the right, giving my CHAKRAS some encouragement. I think I can see an improvement already.

There is one teensie - weensie doubt in my mind though.

Just last night I saw the Dalai Lama on TV. As the spiritual leader of Tibet, you would expect him to know all about The Five Rites. In fact, he would probably have been practising them since he was knee-high to a bumble-bee. So if they REALLY work, why does he still look like my old headmaster Mr Stevens ?

And not like Brad Pitt?

Regards

Liz   

liz@thenudecafe.com
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