They're Playing Our Song!

By Liz Egger     In which I find discover the nudist's theme song, and suggest a few alternative titles ( From November 2005)

There is a song— more of a hymn really — much loved by the English, yet probably almost unknown to the rest of the world.  It’s a rousing, inspirational piece, which soars and dips through a series of peaks and troughs and crescendos, and it never fails to bring a lump to my throat whenever I sing it.  It’s a favourite at English weddings and funerals, it’s sung in schools and churches throughout the land, it closes the annual conferences of all three main political parties, and is the theme tune of the national Womens’ Institute.  It’s called “Jerusalem”, and many English people—including yours truly— would like to adopt it as an alternative national anthem.  

Apparently, it’s also the anthem of the British nudist movement, which was news to me, as I didn’t know we had one. (An anthem I mean. Not a British nudist movement. I knew we had one of those.)  This was revealed in a television programme a few weeks ago in which a group of naturists were featured standing nude in a field, singing the song in that self-conscious way that English people have …  

• When they are asked to sing in front of an audience,
  ... and especially ...

• When they are also asked to stand mother-naked in a freezing field in front of an audience.

Now, just what is going on here?   
As a born and bred English girl, I too love the song, and at every opportunity will croak it out with as much gusto as this aging old larynx can manage.  
 But a nudist anthem? I don’t think so.   For one thing, do we even need an anthem? I mean, when would we sing it?   
Every time we get naked? Hmmm…not really practical is it? Down at he club? Come on now—we don’t want to frighten the wildlife or annoy the neighbours. At sauna / swim nights? Have you heard the acoustics at most municipal swimming baths? Try singing the high bits and see what I mean. 
OK then. How about a rendition at the end of the British Naturism AGM? 

Ahhh … a much more sensible idea. The only problem is that he song itself doesn’t really lend itself to the nudist ethos, which espouses peace and harmony with nature. Lyrics such as ….” bring me my chariot of fire…” and “ …nor shall my sword sleep in my hand…” are surely a trifle too strident and assertive to represent a gentle organization like ours.   

The Womens’ Institute, yes. But the nudist movement, definitely not.  

So, if we’re going to have an anthem, we’re going to have to look elsewhere.  With this in mind I set off on a mission to find a suitable national nudist song. I canvassed everybody in the office, plus a few reps and service people who were unfortunate enough to pop in whilst I was undertaking my research. I phoned up nudist friends and acquaintances. I even bullied my old brain cells into action and came up with a few suggestions of my own (God, the things I have to do!)   

Finally, after much effort, numerous cups of coffee and a lot of censorship (you’d be surprised how many people suggested a famous song containing the word “embarrassed” in the title, which they changed to “I’m bare assed!. Not at all suitable for a respectable movement like ours—and that was one of the cleaner ones!)” we came up with a short list, which we then rated according to popularity.  

So here then, for the first time, presented in the time-honoured way in reverse order, is The Nude Café's top-twenty nudist songs.

I think we should get it recorded straight away, and I'm already putting together a close harmony quartet to perform it. The only trouble is, they refuse to appear in the nude promotion video I'm planning. 
Any volunteers please?
'Til next time,

Liz

Related links:

The words and music to Jerusalem

(This article may not be published or otherwise used without the written consent of the author.)
Back to top